We have been given one tongue and two ears, so that we can listen twice and speak once.
This is technique is often used in counselling. It is much better to be the listener, than to dominate a conversation and do all the talking yourself.
The point is that you should be quick to listen and slow to speak. This is an old saying but one that still has equal resonance today.
Everyone is only interested in one thing, themselves, you may not agree with this statement, but I believe it to be true. People like themselves, mostly, and like talking about their favourite subject, which is them.
When people speak it's because they have a need to express themselves and their views, and opinions. They only focus on what they are saying and are going to say and seldom consider the other persons view.
This is why it is important to listen more than you speak, by listening and occasionally paraphrasing what the speaker is saying you will appear more intelligent and interesting to the other person. If you encourage them to speak, while holding back yourself, you are making them feel good about themselves which improves their self-esteem and how they look at you.
The art of good conversation centres on your ability to ask questions and to listen attentively to the answers, listening being the important point. You can provide your insights, ideas, and opinions, but you perfect the art and skill of conversation by perfecting the art and skill of asking good, well-worded questions that direct the conversation and give other people an opportunity to express themselves.
Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." These types of questions encourage the speaker to expand on his thoughts and comments. One open-ended question will lead to another, and so on. You can ask open-ended questions almost endlessly, drawing out of the other person everything that he or she has to say on a particular subject.
How well you communicate, influence, persuade, and negotiate will ultimately determine the quality of your life. It's a fact, the better you listen, the more money you make. Being able to listen well is one of the most important skills in today's work environment, but one that most people choose not to cultivate.
Listening is the most important of all skills for successful conversation. Many people are very poor listeners. Since everyone enjoys talking, it takes a real effort to gain excellent listening skills and to make them a habit.
It's also very important to pause before answering a question, this not only gives you a second or two to consider what you are about to say, but it also conveys the message to the other person that you are interested in their question and you are considering it carefully.
Pausing also gives you an air of intelligence.