We all know these people, who are what most people would describe as average looking, who seem to be able to effortlessly meet new people while out shopping for groceries or plane Susan who comes home from an appointment with a number of a new date. We wonder how they do it, how do these seemingly average people have the knack of meeting new people and gaining numbers without any effort? Here are a few simple steps that will help us discover their secrets.
Eye contact – You’ve spotted someone a few shelves away in the grocery store and they spot you. What do you normally do when you make eye contact with a stranger, look away as quickly as possible. That’s what normally happens, that’s exactly what everyone else does. You feel embarrassed that they have caught you looking at them, so you turn away quickly and pretend that you didn’t look. Of course we all look at each other and in particular we look at each other’s eyes, we do this to recognize the other person, but we are also checking them out, it’s natural. The trick here is to hold your gaze, don’t look away in an instant, keep your eyes fixed, but not for too long. Imagine your eyes are glued to the other’s persons and draw your eyes away, but more slowly. Because holding eye contact is not the usual thing to do, the person you are looking at will be mutually interest, they see your eye contact as interest in them and will look back a few seconds later.
It’s not easy at first to hold eye contact with complete strangers, in fact it’s not easy to do it to people you know well, but the key is to practice, like anything else, do it as often as you can and you’ll get the knack of doing it often and easily. Next time you come across anyone, stare them in the eyes for a few seconds, whoever it is. Do this every time you meet anyone new, at the shops, on the bus at work, you’ll soon get good at it and you’ll get a buzz from getting eye contact back.
Smile - Once you have eye contact the most important thing to do is smile. It’s great to have someone’s attention but you need to give them good visual communication that says it is safe to communicate to them, and that you are interested in them. Smiling makes you 10 times more attractive than not smiling and 100 times more attractive than frowning. We spend a lot of money on cosmetics trying to make ourselves more attractive and desirable to the opposite sex, we wear the right clothes and feel good inside which makes us feel attractive on the outside, but if we forget to smile, we are making all the hard work to get made up worthless. In his book, how to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnege wrote, smiling is the most important thing for getting people to like you.
When we smile our bodies release endorphins, which make us feel good. Even when we are not feeling our best, just moving our face into a smile will make us feel a little bit better. When we smile our faces light up and we feel so much more healthy and attractive, and to a potential partner we look much more attractive than if we don’t smile. Have you ever noticed how much more interesting a person who smiles. Smiling babies are beautiful compared to babies who don’t smile. Politicians do it to win votes, everyone who tries to influence people smiles. If you walk around at work with a smile on your face, your colleagues will often ask you what are you so happy. They see your face and instantly believe you are happy, when you could be feeling as low as ever, but because you are smiling you are sending out a positive signal and other people are interested in you.
Much like eye contact you need to constantly practice smiling at people, do it as often as you can, whenever you come into eye contact with anyone, smile at them.
Gesture – Making eye contact and smiling are the two most important ice-breakers, though they are passive, you can make eye contact and smile at anyone and in doing so you’ll get them to instantly feel comfortable with you and be more interested and attracted to you, The first move is to use a gesture and the easiest one to use is to wave at the person. You’ve held your gaze and smiled and now wave at them. It doesn’t have to be a big wave, it could be a little “hi” wave. It’s real communication with the other person, it’s really telling them I’ve seen you and I like what I see. If you get a wave back you are have got a mirrored signal from them which shows they have equally spotted you and are attracted to you.
You can also raise your eyebrows, this is not quite as strong as a wave but has a similar affect to a more limited degree.
Talk the Talk – It’s all coming together now, you’ve made eye contact, you’ve given your best most attractive smile and made a gesture to the other person, what do you do next. This is obvious really, you need to talk to them. This is the trickiest part, because it’s easy to look at someone and smile from a distance or even give a wave, you feel safe, you are still in your comfort zone. Talking to strangers, especially ones you are interested in does take a little bit of effort, which appears for some people is easy. This is another thing that you can become good at with practice. I bet you know people who seem to find it really easy to knock up a conversation with random people in the street, complete strangers who they have never met before, and end up hearing the other person’s life story. How do they do it, how have they got the knack of being able to speak to anyone? It’s simple, they find it easy because they do it all the time, it’s natural for them to start talking. They are able to observe a situation and see it as the other person does. We often think we don’t know what to say to someone, but imagine that you are at a bus stop waiting for a bus, and the person you have eye contact with is also waiting at the same bus stop, In this situation you both have a common interest in the bus which is due to stop there. If you have never taken the bus before you can inquire about the timeliness of the bus, its destination, its stops, anything connected with the bus and its route is a good opening line. You know the person you are attempting to talk with must have an interest in the bus otherwise why are they there. Likewise any other situation where there is a fixed subject is a good point for opening a conversation.
Once you have opened the conversation you are free to move it onto anything. The important thing to remember is that people are generally only interested in one thing, themselves. We all love to talk about ourselves, and that is why we can meet a complete stranger and within 30 minutes found out their life story, because that is what people know about most, themselves, they are experts at them. The sooner you get the conversation around to discussing them, the better, It doesn’t have to be personal details they discuss, as long as the conversation is focused on them. Try to make a compliment about them, find something that you like about them and tell them you like it. You might like a particular piece of clothing or they way they have their hair, try to tell them you think it’s nice, but make sure you say it as you mean it with feeling or they will see right through you. Say it with your eyes and your smile.
We all have a burning desire to talk about ourselves, but once you have started to strike up a conversation it’s important to remember that you have two ears to listen with and one mouth to talk with. You need to listen twice as long as you speak, this is a golden rule when you are having a conversation with anyone. When you do speak it is also essential that you repeat back some of the things they have told you. This shows them you are listening to what they are saying and you are interested. Most importantly let them do the talking.
Just like eye contact and smiling, talking to strangers can become natural to you, and you can do it without any fear. Next time you get the chance, pick a conversation with a random stranger. Talk to them about anything in the situation you are in. Discuss anything with anyone, make it a habit to talk to people, you’ll be amazed at how eager people will be to talk back to you and appreciate to conversation.
There is are a few obvious tips about how to meet people you are interested in, so now it’s up to you to try them all out and see how many new and interesting people you can meet.